Spring Cat-astrophe
by drowninmymistakes
Summary: An errant spell, a missing room mate, and a best friend who fancies himself a comedian. Glinda is not having a good day. Featuring: Nameless extras! Onomatopoeias! And SassyGayBestFriend!Fiyero (who really shouldn't quit his day job)!


**A/N:**

Based off a headcanon on tumblr. I don't own anything. Not even the original story idea. But I do own a lovely second hand toaster.

Rated because SassyGayBestFriend!Fiyero has a gutter for a sense of humor.

* * *

Spring had been reluctant that year, cold, rainy, and at times threatening to revert to winter. So when the weather finally decided to cooperate, summer was right around the corner and Fiyero was on a mission.

Shoes.

Specifically, sandals.

There were some extremely cute ones that he had had his eye on for sometime and with spring break sales popping up in shops all over town he was going to take full advantage. So it was with shopping in mind that he sauntered down the corridors of the girls dormitory, intent on collecting his partner in crime and doing some serious damage to his wallet.

The normal hum of dormitory life seemed to escalate as he neared room 22 until a loud crash followed by a yowl was heard and the door to the aforementioned room banged open. Thick, green, smoke billowed out, followed by a large dark streak that shot between the Vinkun's legs, down the hall, and out of sight.

Worried, Fiyero charged forward only to slam into someone charging in the opposite direction. Air left his chest as they went down hard in a tangle of limbs and hissed expletives.

"Are you alright?" he asked the mass of blonde curls obstructing his view of the ceiling when he finally caught his breath.

"Ow..." The whimpered response was muffled in his collar but he recognized the voice of his friend.

By this point, the commotion had, naturally, drawn a crowd but the body sprawled over him gave no indication of moving.

"Glinda?" Fiyero gently patted her back, concerned at the lack of response. "Honey, are you hurt?"

The head in his neck indicated negative.

"Could we maybe get up? The floor really isn't comfortable."

No response.

"People are staring." he added in a whisper.

Glinda shot upwards, planting an elbow in Fiyero's ribs in her mad scramble to gain her feet, leaving him breathless for the second time in as many minutes.

"Oh, Yero! I'm sorry!" she squeaked flushing bright red. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Fiyero wheezed. Dignity long since fled, he curled onto his side and thanked Lurline that his dark skin hid his embarrassment.

"What is going on here?" A grating voice floated down the hall.

Scrambling to his knees, Fiyero looked around in panic.

While the girls in the dorm were used to his presence he technically wasn't supposed to be there. If Horrible Morrible caught him, even his princely status wasn't going to save him from her wrath.

Two girls stepped aside and the Vinkun nodded in thanks as he dove for the open door, scuttling out of sight just as a garish mountain of fabric swept by.

_What could cause green smoke?_ Fiyero pondered as he tuned out the inquisition in the hallway. _And what was that thing that ran out?_ It had gone by too fast for him to get a good look but by its size it was probably a dog. Which begs the question. _Why would there be a dog in the girls' room?_

* * *

"You what?!"

"Shhhh!" hissed Glinda. "Keep your voice down!

She needn't have worried because after that one outburst Fiyero lapsed into silence.

"Well," Glinda gnawed on her nails. "Say something!"

Fiyero opened his mouth. And closed it.

"Fiyero," she whined and poked him. When no response was forthcoming she plopped on her bed and curled into a ball. "She's going to kill me."

"You...turned her... into a cat?" The stammered question broke the silence.

"I couldn't get a good look because of the smoke," she said. "But she sounded like a cat."

"You turned your girl into a cat?"

The Frottican buried her head beneath her pillows.

Shocked turned into hysteria and the force of it landed Fiyero on the floor howling with laughter.

"It was an accident!" Indignation snapped Glinda out of her funk. She bolted upright and sent a pillow flying into the Vinkun's face. "I was trying to turn my lamp into a cactus!"

Undeterred by the fluffy projectile, her friend made no attempt to rein in his mirth.

Pillows launched themselves across the room and slammed into the man with magic backed force. "Stop laughing and help me find her!"

"Ow, ow," Fiyero cringed. "Okay, okay. Stop."

The blonde narrowed her eyes but stopped her assault. Causing bodily harm to her only source of aid wasn't going to solver her problem, so she sat back and waited for the Vinkun to perch on the bed across from her.

"We need to begin a search," Glinda started. "Hopefully she hasn't gone far and when we find her we need to get her back here so I can change her back. If I'm lucky she won't remember anything." Then she panicked. "What if she left campus? And got lost? Or hurt? Oh my poor Elphie she could be—"

"Calm down, darling," interrupted Fiyero. "Working yourself into a tizzy isn't going to get Elphaba back."

"But—"

"Breath."

Knowing that her friend had a point Glinda took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Her Elphie needed her and she was going to come through.

"Now," the Vinkun continued. "We are looking for a cat correct?"

Glinda nodded.

"From what I've seen, she's a pretty large cat."

"She did this," The blonde gestured at the disarray in the room. "Before I could get the door open to let the smoke out. It would take a pretty good sized cat to knock over my squishy chair."

"So what color is she?"

"What?"

"What color. So we don't just pick up any old cat."

"Uh," Glinda shrugged. "Green?"

Fiyero raised an eye brown. "Was that a question or an answer?"

"I couldn't see through the smoke." the Frottican huffed. "Green seems like a logical guess."

"She has black hair," Came the retort. "That would mean black fur."

"Or she could be both."

Glinda blinked in confusion as her friend burst into laughter and rolled onto the floor. It seemed perfectly reasonable to her and not in the least bit funny. But instead of subsiding, Fiyero's laughter actually escalated until he was choking for breath.

"What is so amusing about a black and green cat?"

The set off a fresh burst of giggles.

"Explain yourself!" The blonde was getting agitated. This was serious business and Fiyero wasn't treating it as such.

The Vinkun was still laughing too hard to form proper sentences, but in between the gasping and the chortles Glinda managed to catch a few words.

Black and green pussy.

"FIYERO!" Glinda felt heat rise in her face. Pillows once again flew through the air.

* * *

"We're going to have to tell people."

The two friends were perched once again on separate beds after a tentative cease fire had been declared. Meaning that Fiyero had finally gotten a hold of Glinda's wand and was in possession of all the pillows.

"And humiliate myself in front of the entire school?" Glinda snapped. "How is that supposed to help?"

A wounded look flashed across Fiyero's face and the blonde instantly felt guilty. While he was having a bit too much fun at her expense, the Vinkun was genuinely trying to help and she had no right to take out her frustration at the situation on him. Even if he was being irksome.

"I'm sorry, Yero." She looked down at her hands. "This is all very distressifying so can we please just..."

"As I was saying," Fiyero explained. "We can't possibly search the entire campus on our own, so if we just let people know that you're looking for a cat and have them keep an eye out." A pillow bopped the Frottican on the head and landed in her lap. "We don't have to give any details, Glin. I'm not out to embarrass you."

"I know," Glinda worried the pillow. "And you're right."

"Well," The Vinkun for the door. "Let's go find you a pussy."

He dove out of the room as a pillow sailed past his head.

* * *

"Girls, can you let us know if you see a large cat wandering around campus?"

"Sure, Glinda. Why?"

"Oh just a slight miscast, nothing to worry about."

"Thanks girls, Glinda's been so worried about that pussy— Ow!"

* * *

"Hey, Glinda. We heard you lost a cat. Why did you even have a cat in the first place?"

"Oh, it's just an experiment. Transmanipulation spells are hard."

"I think you're long past the 'experiment' stage— Ow!"

* * *

"You know, I find it extremely ironic that I'm running all over campus chasing after a cat. Couldn't you have turned her into a rooster instead? OW!"

* * *

"I don't understand how she could just disappear like that." Glinda huffed. "Someone has to have seen something."

The pair had spent the last hour on a fruitless search, though their walk around campus had given them the chance to spread the word regarding the missing cat.

"Maybe she's hiding." Fiyero suggested. "Cats do that when they're startled. And she seemed pretty agitated when she ran out."

"My poor Elphie," Glinda sniffled. "She's scared and all alone."

"She'll be alright," The Vinkun wrapped her up in a hug. "If Elphaba as a cat is anything like she is as a human, she can take care of her self."

* * *

"There's a black cat wandering outside the library. Is it yours?"

"Thank you! I've been looking all over. I swear she's hiding from me."

"Well good luck catching her. That is one huge cat."

"Ow! I didn't say anything!"

"You thought it."

* * *

"I saw a few boys trying to throw your cat into the fountain, Glinda."

"Oh no! Was she hurt?"

"Don't worry. She pranced off with her tail in the air. Those boys headed for the infirmary."

"Well that's a relief. I have no idea what to do with a wet— Ow!"

* * *

"Your cat is adorable! She was very friendly."

"That doesn't sound like her at all."

"We spent some time with her before she wandered off. We fed her our sandwiches."

"Was it chicken?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"She likes chicken."

"And knows exactly how to get what she wants. That is one slick— Ow!"

* * *

"Can we please stop and eat?" Fiyero whined as they walked past the café for the fifth time. "I'm wasting away here."

"How can you think of food at a time like this?" Glinda kept walking.

"Because it's well past lunch and we've been running all over the school." He chased after the blonde.

"Hey! Let go."

"No." He turned them around. "We are going to take a break. Even Elphaba stopped to con food out of those girls." Pulling out a chair he sat his friend down. "You're not going to be any help to her if you don't take care of yourself."

"Fine but you're buying."

* * *

"She's lying on the big rock in the quadrangle. My cat used to sun himself like that too."

"I think all the rain has been making her a bit depressed. She prefers warm weather."

"Yep. A warm— Ow! Is a happy— OW!"

* * *

"Will you please stop hitting me with your purse?"

"Will you stop making those crass jokes?"

"No."

"Then, no."

* * *

"There's a bunch of girls playing with your cat in the grass by the science building."

"What no joke?"

"I'm queer, not stupid."

* * *

"Give up, Glinda. She obviously doesn't want to be found."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you think it's a little too convenient that she just happens to leave a place right before we get there? And every time you catch a glimpse of her she's running in the opposite direction?"

"But why would she do that?"

"I don't know. She's a cat. Who knows how they think?"

"Are you saying that Elphie isn't there anymore?"

"I'm saying that cats are unpredictable. If Elphaba is in there, she'll come back to you. In the mean time it's getting late, we should be heading back to our rooms."

* * *

After Fiyero left, Glinda had continued searching until it was too dark to see. Admitting defeat, she shuffled back to her room praying that her roommate had returned. Tears rolled down her face when an empty room greeted her. Leaving the door unlatched she slumped onto Elphie's bed and sobbed until exhaustion claimed her.

Something tickled her face, drawing her from slumber. Glinda swatted at it in annoyance unwilling to leave the wonderful dream she was having. Then a weight gently settled on her chest and stomach making it difficult to breath.

She opened her eyes to find a glowing green pair staring back at her.

"Meow."

"Elphie?" The blonde rubbed at her eyes. "Is that you?"

A rumbling purr answered her.

"Oh Elphie!" She hugged the feline tightly. "You came back!" Tears beaded on black fur. "I was so worried! I thought I was never going to see you again!"

A warm tongue licked at the salt on her cheeks. The cat in her arms was purring so hard that the Frottican felt it vibrating through her entire being.

"I've missed you so much!"

They snuggled together. Glinda ran her fingers through the silky fur and allowed the comforting purr to lull her to sleep.

They woken well before dawn when Glinda, in her sleep, rolled onto Elphaba's tail. Her bed mate reacted by kicking the blonde out of bed. Literally. Girl and cat glared at each other indignantly while nursing sore body parts until Glinda burst into laughter. Elphaba responded by stretching out to her full length and thereby preventing the Frottican from getting back on.

A spirited wresting match ensued and Glinda, to her chagrin, lost. Elphaba sat on Glinda's chest with a smug look on her feline features until the blonde complained about the weight. At which point she promptly stalked to the window and ignored all attempts at interaction until a proper apology was offered.

The few people that were up and about were treated to the unusual sight of a diminutive blonde and a black cat more than half her size on the prowl for breakfast. Glinda decided to take the food back to their room to avoid the staring.

Breakfast ended when Elphaba stole the last of the eggs from under Glinda's fork. That led to a chase around the room with Elphaba again emerging victorious.

"I should probably try to turn you back." Glinda looked wistfully at the cat in her lap.

Elphaba stopped grooming her ears.

"You are a lot of fun but I miss talking with my Elphie." Gently pushing the cat aside the blonde got up to fetch her wand.

"Don't."

Glinda tripped over her own feet.

"Elphie?" She gaped up at the cat on the bed. "You can talk?"

"Um, yes?"

"Why didn't you say anything?!" she demanded. "Why did you let me go this entire time thinking you were just a cat?!" The Frottican pulled herself to her feet and settled her hands on her hips. "And why did you spend all of yesterday avoiding me?!"

Elphaba cringed, pulling her ears back and tucking her tail around her paws. While Glinda was normally a happy person, her wrath was fearsome to behold.

"Well? Explain yourself!"

"I'm sorry." The human turned cat laid her head forlornly on her paws. "This body has instincts that are really hard to ignore. At first I was confused and scared and running just seemed like the thing to do. And then I was outside and everything was just so... It's hard to describe. Things are sharper, more in focus. There were sounds and smells sights and it was all so exciting.

"Then there were all those people and none of them were afraid or cruel to me. Well, except for those boys but I didn't get in any trouble for putting them in their place. And the sun was warm and there was chicken. When I finally realised that it was dark I came back here and you were tired so I figured it could wait.

"And this morning was so much fun and you were laughing and everything was so wonderful. I thought that you'd prefer it this way..." She trailed off and curled into a tight ball.

"Oh Elphie."

Glinda sat down beside the bed and tried to get her love to uncoil. When Elphaba refused to budge, she hugged the huddled feline and laid her head on the furry lump.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Yes you silly thing." The Frottican giggled. "Let's get you back to normal. Even though you are absolutely adorable like this."

"About that," Elphaba stretched. "I can make myself human anytime I want."

The blonde straightened up in astonishment.

"Let me stay a cat a few days more," Bright green eyes locked with clear blue. "It makes you happy."

Glinda squealed in delight and the cat pulled to her chest.

"Elphie?"

"Yes, my sweet."

"When Fiyero shows up later, can you scratch him for me?"

"Of course, my sweet," Elphaba purred. "Anything for you."

* * *

**Bonus scene:**

"Well, look at that. I see you found your— OWWW! Hey! Claws are cheating!"

"Glinda?"

"Yes, Elphie?"

"Can we go get some chicken?"

* * *

**A/N:**

Cat!Elphie doesn't give a damn what people think and will not put up with your crap. Cat!Elphie gets what Cat!Elphie wants. Glinda is a goddess and should be worshiped as such. Cat!Elphie will not hesitate to smite you for failing to do so. Chicken is Cat!Elphie Kryptonite. Its significance in the universe is second only to Glinda. Cat!Elphie is curious and easily...oh look a shiny!

Fiyero is _**never**_ going to let this go. _Ever_. "— OW!" will be his epitaph.


End file.
